What is venting?

Venting is a way for your mind to talk about an issue it’s having. There are many tough things that we’ll face in the world and you may come across some in your daily life. When you come across something tough, it may not go the way you would want, thereby causing pain. This pain is held within your mind (and often within your entire body). This feeling can continue to build, giving the sense of needing to be released. This feeling is an emotion most strongly associated with stress.

The definition of “stress” according to Oxford Languages – a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances

Your emotions are going haywire telling you that action needs to be taken. Your emotions are telling you that the issue needs to be resolved. Though to resolve the issue, time and attention must be placed on finding a solution.

Unfortunately, if we “vent” about the issue, it is allowing our mind and body to release itself of this emotion. Once this emotion is released, we no longer spend time and energy trying to find a solution. What often occurs is that a similar issue will arise in the future. The person affected will think about the last time the issue happened and know that to release this emotion, they need to tell someone about it (vent). Again this person releases the emotion without trying to find a solution. If this similar issue becomes a common re-currency, venting may be directly correlated to higher levels of chronic stress.

What is happening here is that an issue is arising consistently over time, yet no solution has been found. If the individual were to spend time trying to find out a solution, they could cure themself of needing to deal with similar issues and avoid encountering this emotion again (in relation to the issue). This then resolves any suffering for the individual and their need to vent. By freeing the individual from this emotion, their mind is more clear to be spent in other areas (this can often lead to less stress and a sense of more happiness).

As humans, the more positive reinforcement we receive, the more we continue in a certain direction. If you vent to a friend and feel positive about it, you may begin to perceive this as beneficial and continue to do it. In an effort to continue to build on this feeling, you may start venting about the same issue to several people. Unfortunately, this is where venting becomes unhealthy. Your mind is now convinced that it is healthy and feels good for you to consistently vent. Now you may seek out individuals who will listen to you vent and your venting frequency may increase.

Though some people may enjoy venting to each other, there are many people who do not enjoy listening to people vent. For these people, it takes a great deal of effort to listen to someone vent. With time, energy, focus, and effort they will listen to the venter because it appears they need it and they care about the venter. This is very kind of this person and they are doing the venter a service.

At a specific point in time, this person may begin to have difficulty maintaining focus or giving the venter the time, energy, and effort they feel the venter requires. Once this happens, the relationship dynamic often changes, which can be seen in numerous ways. Some examples are the individual may try to keep conversations more brief with the venter, begin to ignore the venter, or some other manner of distancing himself. What is happening is they may start to feel exhausted when they speak to the venter. They have come to realize the amount of time, energy, focus, and effort the venter requires is more than they can provide.

It should also be noted that this is often not clear for either party. The individual who vents doesn’t understand why the relationship dynamic is changing. The person who has continually been vented to gets a gut feeling inside of them that initializes their changes. In any case, neither party speaks about venting being the cause of the disconnect in the relationship. Therefore, consistent venting can deteriorate relationships.

Conclusion

 Feeling the need to vent can be beneficial if directed appropriately. The “need to vent” is your body saying, “something is painful and causing me lots of emotional pressure, weight, and stress.” The emotion being felt is strongly associated with stress. The emotion is telling your body that change needs to happen. In order to figure out the change, you must spend time and effort figuring out a resolution.

If you choose to speak to someone about it, ensure that you are open to resolving the issue, the other person is willing to help you find a resolution, and that you trust this person and their methods of supporting you in finding a resolution. 

P.S. If you are someone who vents, it’s important to note that if you vent about a singular issue once to a singular person, you should no longer vent about that specific issue. Any continued venting to any other persons may train your brain to build an unhealthy habit. With the other persons consent, you can vent to a singular person about an issue. Or you can pay a therapist whose job it is to listen.